We have been a bit neurotic about taking quarantine and safety precautions to heart. We have drastically limited our contact with friends and family, embraced mask-wearing, and my kids have said no to numerous social activities this summer, including sleepovers and indoor parties. My mom is 80 years old and we are her source of connection to the world, so keeping her safe in uncertain times has been very important to us. Plus, our oldest son was getting married on August 1, so we wanted to ensure that a worldwide virus wouldn’t get in the way of his wedding. I’ve not generally been an individual ridden with anxiety or anxious thoughts, but this summer proved otherwise. By June I stopped following the news, or clicking on social media articles, or tracking cases – I found that none of the fearmongering was very helpful.
When my two high schoolers resumed extra-curricular activities in the month of July, I found myself having increased anxiety – constantly reminding them to wash hands and keep their distance from others. As we found ourselves within two weeks of my son’s wedding, I was in tears most days with anxiety over his wedding and all the “what ifs” of getting married during a pandemic. I reached out to a friend who has successfully navigated anxiety in her life and asked her to pray for me. I prayed over and over, “Lord, please don’t allow my family to get sick until August 2.” Here’s the good news, God answered my prayers.
A week after my oldest son’s wedding, my youngest said she was feeling off. No symptoms, just didn’t “feel right.” I honestly thought she was depressed that volleyball and band had been cancelled the night before, but by late afternoon she was running a low-grade or mild fever – 99.6. The next morning her temp was nearly 102 degrees Fahrenheit. Honestly, we were both feeling discouraged. Here’s why – this girl had been trying to take every precaution possible. She is a rule-follower. It just didn’t seem “fair” that she was sick at all – with anything of any kind – because of her neurotic hand-washing, mask-wearing, and social distancing. At one point she said, “I’m the only one who refuses to high-five! I only use elbows!”
With no other symptoms besides a fever I felt confident it was not Covid, but I wanted to rule it out so we could return to “normal” life once she was fever-free. Besides, we had not come in contact with any positive cases or had no known exposures, not even to a second or third degree. I drove her to a free, drive-by testing site available through our state health department. Since I was in the vehicle, I was tested too.
Thirty-two hours later I received my test results. Negative. The next day, my daughter had a little stuffy nose, but woke up fever free. I was grateful that whatever virus she was fighting, she seemed to be bouncing back in less than three days. I was especially grateful because back in February when she had the flu, she ran a high fever for nearly five days. Again, I felt confident her results would be negative. That afternoon she received her results. Positive.
I’ve decided to share our journey for multiple reasons, but mostly because we rarely hear from the most common cases, from the majority of those being impacted. During flu season, parents posted pics of their sick kiddos left and right, but there’s a stigma with this new virus that keeps us all silent. No one wants to be the next news headline. Seriously, I saw a local headline regarding a neighboring school district this week … “[Insert name of school] Band Member Tests Positive for COVID!” However, we DO see friends sharing stories on Facebook that induce fear and anxiety and are NOT good for our mental health – that tell us our kids are all going to die if we send them back to school or participate in extra-curricular activities. I also want to share our story, to help others know how to respond when a positive diagnosis hits close to home.
As more individuals are diagnosed with an obviously new virus, here are some insights that I hope will help others navigate this journey:
Even rule-followers get COVID. Don’t assume the person has done something “wrong”. Since the entire (yes, everyone else went and got tested too) rest of our family tested negative, and we know of no one who has been ill or symptomatic, we can only assume our daughter’s “wrong” was encountering someone who was asymptomatic. Because she is such a rule-follower with handwashing and mask-wearing, I am confident that her actions prevented the spread to others in the days prior to her fever appearing.
Respond with an outward focus. What do I mean by an outward focus? The most meaningful initial responses came from those who showed genuine care for our daughter – who seemed more concerned about her (and us) than asking questions that stemmed back to their own self-interest or their own need for COVID-free, self-preservation.
This is a tough one and I could go on, but everything within our culture screams, “ME, ME, ME!!!” And keep in mind that you choosing to wear a mask, or staying home when you have “a cold”, or washing your hands before touching other things, or following procedures is also about OTHERS. Because the mask-wearing, obsessive hand-washer is helping to protect YOU. She only stays safe when YOU do the same.
Offer care, not questions. Your friend or family members may be (and probably are) feeling overwhelmed. I can guarantee their phones are blowing up with a bazillion texts and phone calls. Simple texts offering support, such as “I’m praying for you!” or “Let me know if you need me to pick up anything at the store for you!” are meaningful.
Refrain from asking, “Where did she get it?” Unless your job description includes being a contact tracer, it is most likely none of your business to try and figure that one out. As a society, we immediately want to place blame. To throw someone else under the bus. Believe me, as parents we have attempted to narrow down the possible point of contact, but mostly with a preventative effort in mind. Just know it feels rude to ask that question. Honestly, without being a germ time-traveler, we will never know.
Remember the entire family is impacted. At this point, I am legitimately more concerned about our family’s emotional health than physical health. This is a difficult time for many individuals, and I am very concerned for the social-emotional well-being this season is having on otherwise well-adjusted adults and kids. If you know someone in quarantine, check on them. Chances are, they are NOT emotionally okay. Being in quarantine when the world is shut down feels very different than when the world is continuing around you. Knowing my son’s coach has been checking on him, even in the off-season, has been so meaningful. My friend went to Costco tonight and left the items on our front porch. Little gestures can go a long way in showing care and support during a difficult time.
Make a choice not to perpetuate fear and frenzy. This will look and feel different for each of us. Know that for the vast, vast majority this virus is completely beatable. The medical field has made incredible strides in the past six months in understanding how to treat this new virus – which means even for the medically fragile there is hope. I appreciate the many individuals who risk the stigma to share their stories. To help us move beyond fear. Although it is certainly not fun being sick, the influenza our daughter experienced in February was far worse. Time will tell for the rest of us, but at nearly a week past exposure good handwashing, increased vitamin intake, and preventative measures here at home – and for my 80 year old mother who also had a direct exposure – have meant so far so good! (I’ll save the story about how I accidentally drank from my daughter’s contaminated straw for another time.)
In all seriousness, consider what steps you can take to decrease fear and frenzy. It might mean turning off the news or taking a step back from social media or refusing to click on and share fearmongering articles. It might mean refusing to text 10 people each time you hear of a positive case – or perpetuating rumors and repeating “news” that does not come from the direct source and blows everything way out of proportion.
Choosing not to live in fear and frenzy might mean taking more walks at sunset and placing your anxiety at the feet of Jesus. Every day. Are we going to continue with safety measures and put others before ourselves? Absolutely! But choosing faith over fear is the path I am choosing, and I invite you to join me on this journey.
